Pretty on the outside

Feeling today like I have no idea how to do this thing called life. I seem to be able to make it look pretty good on the outside, but on the inside I'm a train wreck. The housework sits indefinitely undone, I don't shower every day, I still buy new clothes sometimes instead of doing the laundry. I feel like I missed the class on life way early on and I've been playing catch up ever since. No matter how many times I sit down to calculate my budget I can't get the dollars owed to equal the dollars earned. I vent my financial frustration by buying shit I don't need with dollars I shouldn't spend. I'm compulsive to a fault and I'm always tired no matter what. There has to be some vital key that I'm missing. My relationships are mostly shallow and when they aren't they tend to be mercilessly complicated. I know no sense of moderation and I'm reckless with my heart. I mix up yes and no. Tonight as I get ready for bed I pause to reflect on my day, and what I could have done better and I find myself coming up short. I did the best I could but that's somehow never enough. I'm left today with the feeling that I have no idea how to do this thing called life.