Sometimes

Sometimes you take in your car to fix one thing and they find four more things that are wrong. Sometimes you show up to get an estimate for the repair and the hood of your car won't even open. Sometimes you are so discouraged by life you think you may crack under the pressure. And yet... Sometimes your friends come through for you when you need them the most. Sometimes a complete stranger will donate his Sunday afternoon to helping you simply because you are a friend of a friend. Sometimes it feels like things may just work out ok. Living with a brain disease is a difficult state of affairs, compounded exponentially when you throw in the strains of a difficult life. I write a lot about how hard things are, and trust me when I say I mean every word. But the truth is that there is beauty amidst all that chaos, and some joy in there with the pain. The truth is life is a complicated array of the gray, between the extremes of good and bad. Today when I was driving home the sun was setting with all the majesty of a desert sunset. From the embers of the horizon shot rays of red and orange through the silver lined pink clouds. The mountains were purple and the sky the palest blue. I pray that I never forget how to appreciate things like that. I pray that I never lose sight of my gratitude for the help I receive along the way. Today things are still far from ok but I can always chose the lense through which I view my life. I may not be writing a book but I have a blog. I have friends who read every word I write. I could be worse off. I may not have a partner but I have a lovely dog to sleep beside. I have the unconditional love of the most amazing man I've ever met. I could be worse off. I may not have all the bills paid but I have a roof over my head. I have food in the refridgerator. I could be worse off. I may have a host of car problems but I have a car that runs. I have a job to drive to. I could be worse off. Today things are still far from ok but I chose to remember that this life can only break you down if you let it. Today I chose to weild the weapons of gratitude and love and fight back against the ever present darkness. Sometimes that's all you can do.