Friday, July 13, 2012

writers write

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I write.
I can list reasons why it's good that I write.
It's good that I write because it helps treat my brain disease.
It's good that I write because it's the best way to discern my emotions.
It's good that I write because it feels good to do so.
Yet all of this feels superfilous.
I write because I want to give back into the world the grace that has been given to me.
I write because I've lived a lot of life and I've learned a lot of things.
I write because I want to help people to think about things a little differently,
or see something they wouldn't otherwise see.
I write because I am compelled by a desire to share my experience with others,
and I am inspired by the idea that I might help someone make it through another day.
I write because I want to change lives with my words.

The challenge in my journey to becoming a writer has been self doubt. It has felt so selfish to me to aspire to move people through the force of my words. It has felt so self righteous to me to think that people could benefit from my experience. It has felt so self absorbed to me to share myself.
I am not selfish, self righteous or self absorbed, and I am not afraid to be real.
Today I chose to shed my self imposed shackles.
Today I chose faith over fear.

I write because I am a writer. Writers write.

Words flow inside me like the blood in my veins and I'm driven to express them. I don't seem to have a choice. It's always been this way for me, for as long back as I can remember. The difference between then and now is mostly substantive. I've grown up from those little girl diaries only in the sense that now I write about the experiences of a woman. My writings today reflect the everyday experiences of a woman, living life one day at a time. My writings today reflect the honest thoughts of a woman living in recovery from addiction, recovery from mental illness and recovery from life. My writings today reflect an authentic expression of one voice in a seemingly infinite sea of voices.
My writings today reflect the idea that you are not alone. It is my hope that you may be affected, affirmed or inspired by my experiences. It is my hope that you may feel compelled to share your own. It is my hope that I change lives, but it is my truth that I will continue to write no matter what, because I am a writer, and writers write.

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